Blogs are Stupid

Don't get me wrong: I love the United States. I'm proud to be an American, despite our status as the world's leading exporter of Michael Bay movies. I'm not exactly standing on the Ambassador Bridge between Detroit and Windsor, teeth chattering, fluttering application for political asylum in hand.

But in the wake of reports that Krzyzewski has been tabbed to lead the U.S. national team, well, let's just say that northern Saskatchewan is starting to look a little more inviting.

Let me be blunt. For Duke basketball haters, myself included, the alliance of Coach K and Team USA is terrible news … and terribly confusing.

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On one hand, we embrace the red, white and blue (and can't exactly root for France); on the other, we uniformly reject all things Blue Devils (helpful hint: AmEx cards will jam your paper shredder. Trust me on that one).

As such, we're a bit torn.

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Anyway, I digress. The point is that everyone who can't stand Duke faces an Olympic dilemma: Root with the heart or the spleen? For his K-ness, or against one's countrymen?

Patriotism … or hate-riotism?

Consequently, the only real, lasting solution for Duke haters is to go bail out completely and find a new country. I don't mean a new country to root for; I mean a new country to live in.

Otherwise, we'll be no better than the legions of Duke fans who didn't actually go to school in Durham, or Notre Dame fans who haven't even visited South Bend.

Like beef? Try Argentina. Fancy the Baltic Sea? Lithuania's your place.