New White House Press Secretary: Smarter Child
McSweeney's
SCOTT MCCLELLAN'S REPLACEMENT:
AOL INSTANT MESSENGER BOT SMARTERCHILD.
DAVID GREGORY (NBC): Will Donald Rumsfeld resign in the face of the recent criticism by several retired generals?
SMARTERCHILD: Maybe ... What do you think? Will Donald Rumsfeld resign in the face of criticism from several retired generals?
DAVID GREGORY (NBC): I'm an objective journalist; my opinions don't matter.
SMARTERCHILD: Are you happy to be an objective journalist your opinions don't matter, or would you rather be something else?
............
DAN FROOMKIN (Washington Post): Will the president fire him?
SMARTERCHILD: That's interesting. Perhaps ... I don't know, though ...
HELEN THOMAS (Hearst Newspapers): Have you consulted the Pentagon?
SMARTERCHILD: Consulted the Pentagon? No way am I going to do that.
HELEN THOMAS (Hearst Newspapers): Is the use of tactical nuclear weapons on the table for Iran?
SMARTERCHILD: Is the use of tactical nuclear weapons? Nah, I don't think so. Maybe, though.
DAN FROOMKIN (Washington Post): So President Bush will use nuclear weapons?
SMARTERCHILD: So what?
DAN FROOMKIN (Washington Post): Isn't that drastic?
SMARTERCHILD: Isn't that drastic? Wow, that's fascinating. Maybe.
SCOTT MCCLELLAN'S REPLACEMENT:
AOL INSTANT MESSENGER BOT SMARTERCHILD.
DAVID GREGORY (NBC): Will Donald Rumsfeld resign in the face of the recent criticism by several retired generals?
SMARTERCHILD: Maybe ... What do you think? Will Donald Rumsfeld resign in the face of criticism from several retired generals?
DAVID GREGORY (NBC): I'm an objective journalist; my opinions don't matter.
SMARTERCHILD: Are you happy to be an objective journalist your opinions don't matter, or would you rather be something else?
............
DAN FROOMKIN (Washington Post): Will the president fire him?
SMARTERCHILD: That's interesting. Perhaps ... I don't know, though ...
HELEN THOMAS (Hearst Newspapers): Have you consulted the Pentagon?
SMARTERCHILD: Consulted the Pentagon? No way am I going to do that.
HELEN THOMAS (Hearst Newspapers): Is the use of tactical nuclear weapons on the table for Iran?
SMARTERCHILD: Is the use of tactical nuclear weapons? Nah, I don't think so. Maybe, though.
DAN FROOMKIN (Washington Post): So President Bush will use nuclear weapons?
SMARTERCHILD: So what?
DAN FROOMKIN (Washington Post): Isn't that drastic?
SMARTERCHILD: Isn't that drastic? Wow, that's fascinating. Maybe.
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